this journey

   they say life is not a destination, but a journey... well, if that's the case, this journey just blows.  i don't mean life, per se, just the detour my dad's been on for the last two and a half years.  i thought we had rounded the last treacherous bend and were approaching the fork in the road where our path would meet back up with the rest of the world's and ... BAM! out of nowhere, GVHD. Graft vs. Host Disease.  

   basically, the donor stem cells from the transplant are attacking the cells in my dad's body, effectively killing him.  to treat it, the doctors have to suppress the new cells, and thus, his entire new immune system, once again making him so susceptible to infection that my three-year-old daughter's runny nose could literally kill him.  

   combine that with his TTP <.thrombotic thrombocytopenic purpura.>  (say that three times fast... go ahead, i'll wait) and we've got a real mess on our hands.  the long and short of TTP is that microscopic bloodclots form, destroying red blood cells faster than the body can replace them.  he has daily blood and platelet transfusions to replenish the depleted supply, but the eventual effect here is organ destruction.   

   TTP alone has a mortality rate of 59 - 100%, even with treatment.  Chronic GVHD, in situations like my dad's, has a survival rate of only 10%.   i won't pretend to understand it all enough or be good enough at math to try and figure out what kind of chances that leaves a man that has both.  with numbers that grim, it's hard for even a suzy sunshine like myself (insert wry chuckle here) to keep the faith.  

   so... hence why i say, vehemently, cancer sucks.